How to Stick to Your Jobs at Mealtimes for Better Child Nutrition
Did you know everyone has a job description to use at mealtimes?
This post is part of the series – Easy Bites Child Feeding Guide. With each post, you will learn how to build a positive and trusting mealtime relationship with your child, so you feel less anxious about their eating. This will also help children listen to their bodies and eat the amount of food that’s right for them. For more child nutrition guidance that is personalized for your family, download the Easy Bites App today.
👉To the point:
🎯 Just like an office job - mealtimes are stressful if you’re not sure what your role is or what your team expects of you. If your child doesn’t know what is expected of them, it can be stressful for them too! A clear job description for parents and children takes the stress off everyone.
🎯 Consistently sticking to your job and trusting kids to do theirs, reduces mealtime battles and helps kids eat better!
Parent and child roles at mealtimes
It’s the parents’ job to decide the what, when and where of mealtimes. It’s the child’s job to decide how much and whether they eat the food offered. This is called the Division of Responsibility (DoR). (1,2)
DoR is a way of feeding children developed by Ellyn Satter - a leading dietitian, family therapist, and internationally recognized feeding expert. DoR is considered the best approach for feeding children by feeding specialists across the globe. It is great for all kids - whether or not you are worried about their eating.
Your jobs at mealtimes
Your jobs at mealtimes are to decide the what, when, and where. (1,2). Sounds simple? Easier said than done.
👩🏾 You choose what foods are offered. Always include one or two foods your child accepts. No pandering to requests or getting up mid-meal to cook alternatives.
👨🏻🦰 You decide when food is available. Children need regular meals and snacks - every 2-3 hours for younger kids, and every 3-4 hours for older kids. Space between meals helps your child to be hungry for the next meal - no nibbling outside of the routine meal and snack times!
👩🏽🦳 You decide where food happens. The family table is the best place for your child to eat safely and to learn their mealtime jobs. You set the atmosphere - keep the mealtime space calm and positive.
If you have been feeding your baby on demand, it is helpful to switch to a routine by 10-12 months - with you taking responsibility for ‘when’ and ‘where’ food is available.
Letting your child do their jobs at mealtimes
👦🏾 Your child’s job at mealtimes is to decide how much and whether to eat. (1,2) Once you have provided some food that you know they can manage - it is not your job to get them to eat it. Taking that off your to-do list will surely lighten your workload!
👧🏻 Children are amazingly in tune with their bodies. The amount of food they need changes all the time depending on growth, activity, and development. Sometimes they eat a lot, other times very little (or nothing!). It is impossible to guess how much they need. They are the experts - so leave that job to them.
👶🏿 If your child skips a meal or snack, that is ok! If your child goes for third or fourth helpings, that is ok too! If you are concerned about the quantity your child is eating - speak to a doctor or dietitian.
Summary
It is your job to decide the what, when, and where of meals and snacks. Once you have provided food you know your child can eat, it is your child’s job to decide how much, and whether to eat it. Sticking to your jobs supports your child’s autonomy, helps them eat the amount they need, and puts an end to mealtime battles. This is the end of your first step towards better child nutrition and happier mealtimes. Join us next time, as we put theory into practice.
Until then,
Easy Bites
Satter, E. M. (1986). The feeding relationship. J Am Diet Assoc, 86(3), 352-356.
Satter, E. (2012). Child of mine: Feeding with love and good sense. Bull Publishing Company.