Practicing Your Mealtime Jobs for Better Child Nutrition
How to Stick to Your Jobs at Mealtimes: Part 2
This post is part of the series – Easy Bites Child Feeding Guide. With each post, you will learn how to build a positive and trusting mealtime relationship with your child, so you feel less anxious about their eating. This will also help children listen to their bodies and eat the amount of food that’s right for them. For more child nutrition guidance that is personalized for your family, download the Easy Bites App today.
In our last post about the Division of Responsibilities (DoR) we talked about how when it comes to mealtimes, it is the parents’ job to decide the what, when, and where of meals and snacks. Once you have provided food you know your child can eat, it is your kid’s job to decide how much, and whether to eat it.
Sticking to your jobs supports your child’s autonomy, helps them eat the amount they need, and puts an end to mealtime battles. But we know that reading about how to do something, is easier than actually doing it. So, In this post, we are going to put theory into practice.
If you haven’t read Part 1, take a look before you jump in. If you’re all caught up, then get ready to master mealtime!
🎬 Scenario 1
You put salad, bread, and yogurt on the table, knowing your child eats bread and yogurt. After one bite of yogurt, your child squirms to get out of the chair. Twenty minutes later, they are hanging on your leg, asking for a granola bar. What do you do?
☝ Option 1
Give them the bar? No! Deciding the what (granola bar), the when (20 minutes after lunch), and the where (wandering around the kitchen) are not your child’s jobs - they’re yours.
✌ Option 2
Say, “I know you want a granola bar, but it is not snack time now. We will have a snack later. Let’s check the clock together to see how much longer we have to wait.” Yes!
With Option 2, you are setting clear limits about what, when, and where food will be served. So next time a similar situation occurs, the child will be less likely to demand snacks but will remember the limits you have set. Amazing work!
🎬 Scenario 2
Imagine you plan an afternoon snack at 3 pm. You decide to serve crackers, cheese, and ham (something you know your child eats). You sit down together at the table and your child says, “I don’t want crackers - I want a banana!”
Wow - my kiddo asking for fruit? It’s a miracle, you think. What do you do?
☝ Option 1
Jump up and get the banana? No! This is tempting - but you are letting them do your job (deciding the what!).
✌ Option 2
Say “Right now we are having crackers, cheese, and ham. Banana sounds yummy, let’s have it for breakfast tomorrow.” Yes!
With Option 2, even though you just denied your child a banana and you may shrink inside - you clearly stated the rules while making sure your child’s idea was heard and considered. Way to go!
🎩🐇 Mealtime Magic Phrases
Looking for some go-to responses to your kids’ food requests and reactions? We’ve got you covered! Bring on the Mealtime Magic Phrases!
Round 1:
🧒🏼 Your child says: “I don’t want that” (even though you know they can eat it).
👨🏽 You respond: “That’s ok, you don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to.”
Round 2:
👧🏿 Your child says: “I want a playroom snack.”
👩🏿🦱 You respond: “Food stays at the table.” (An occasional picnic on the floor or snack in the park is fine, but it’s best to sit down at the table when we eat.)
Round 3:
😭 Saying “No” results in tears? Take it Easy and follow our 4-Step plan:
Validate feelings: “I know you are sad because you wanted chicken.”
State the boundary: “Chicken nuggets are not on the menu today. Today, we are having crackers, rice, and curry.”
Make a Pact: “Let’s have chicken nuggets soon. We can have them for dinner on Thursday.”
Distract: “Guess what we’re going to be doing this afternoon?”
🤐 What not to say
Remember it is your child’s job to decide how much and whether to eat - and they can do it! 💪 Feeling watched and micromanaged is the worst. It can take all the joy out of something you love. So…
✋ Don’t say “have another bite” or “you should eat those carrots, they’re super sweet” or “no TV time if you don’t finish your plate.”
✋ Don’t say “stop, you’ve had enough!” or “no more for you!”
👉 Encouraging, persuading, or restricting means you are trying to do your child’s job for them. Children find this annoying – you would too!
👉 Trying to get your child to eat more actually makes them enjoy food less. (1)
👉 Try to stop them from eating too much? You guessed it – they’ll want more. (2,3)
🤸♀️ You did it!
Congratulations! You are one step closer to mastering mealtime! Thanks for taking a moment out of your day to practice the Division of Responsibility (DoR) with us. Next time, in our final installment DoR series, we will talk about the “why” behind mealtime jobs and what you can expect when you start sticking to your jobs. Psssst… here’s a preview: it’s not puppy dogs 🐶 and rainbows 🌈 (well maybe not at first 😉).
Until then,
Easy Bites
1. Galloway, A. T., Fiorito, L. M., Francis, L. A., & Birch, L. L. (2006). ‘Finish your soup’: counterproductive effects of pressuring children to eat on intake and affect. Appetite, 46(3), 318-323
2. Loth, K. A. (2016). Associations between food restriction and pressure-to-eat parenting practices and dietary intake in children: a selective review of the recent literature. Current Nutrition Reports, 5(1), 61-67.
3. Jansen, E., Mulkens, S., & Jansen, A. (2007). Do not eat the red food!: Prohibition of snacks leads to their relatively higher consumption in children. Appetite, 49(3), 572-577.
